Yesterday afternoon, I was in a coffee shop – a local place with lots of flair (read: old furniture, a little bit of sticky on the table, and interesting characters), that gives you the ability to spend $1 on a coffee while you plug away for the next six hours on whatever writing, reading, staring … Continue reading Yesterday & Today
Every year since I’ve known my (now) hubby, I’ve had to have “the talk” with him. This year, with eight months of marriage under our belts (preceded by eight years of dating), I decided to do it again.
But this time, I had a much more serious tone.
Standard procedure for this seemingly annual occurrence is for me to steam silently about the subject at hand for a couple of weeks. Usually it’s because my anxiety and stress at work is reaching yet another peak, and I’m wondering why I’m still coming home every night after all that effing nonsense, to cook dinner and make sure I’ve got a smile on my face for when hubs comes home. He in turn, is as sweet as pie. As a matter of fact, I MUST preface this whole thing by saying that I truly know and value the gem I have found in my husband. He is the most sweetest man I have ever met. Even my girlfriends (attached and not) are a little jealous. My sister is even jealous. He’s easy-going, always caring and one of those people that everyone just loves. He provides endless love, support and cuddles. And waits a really long time to bring up my (ahem) issues with lack of libido. And he’s a man for goodness sakes, so you know it’s gotta be tough. You gotta love that. And while I’ve been with him since I was 19 and went from financially supporting my mom to basically taking the brunt of financial pressure for the two of us, when I weigh the options, I don’t regret it. If I left him for some rich hottie, that jerkwad would more than likely treat me like shit, or cheat on me, or we would fight like cats and dogs. Like I said, I recognize what I have and value it a great deal.
That said….I encouraged him to start his business before he hit 30 years old. (He turns 35 in about a month.) His business is service-based and he sells packages of sessions. In the meantime though, I’ve carried the brunt of the bills, groceries and leisure/entertainment/travel expenses. It was fine for a while because I had decent jobs and steady income. He does contribute and we actually split our regular bills (rent and utilities) pretty much right down the middle. But I felt that I wasn’t ever able to save as much as I wanted or really focus on my own dreams, because I was busy trying to bring in enough money so he could follow his. This, in a nutshell, is what the “talk” is about every year.
“I need you to pick up the slack sometimes, ya know?” or “Sometimes you get yourself toys and spend money on nonsense and I don’t feel that the bigger picture is considered or that you consider that we’re trying to build something together,” are among the common statements I have made over the years.
But this year, I was really working a horrendous job (see two posts ago). I realized that if I don’t follow my dreams now, I will get to the point where it will simply not be feasible. I didn’t want to give myself something I’ll regret forever. Whatsmore, I didn’t want to give myself something for which I’d resent my husband for the rest of my life.
So, this year’s statements were more strongly worded, and basically went like this: