peanut butter and jelly

I ran today. It hurt like hell. But I did it.

Funny thing that keeps happening when I run lately. Instead of that rush of adrenaline you’re supposed to get, I get extremely tired and sleepy. True, I’ve been trying to cut back on caffeine as well. But shouldn’t the effects of the run replace the effects of caffeine in a way?

So in my infinite struggle to keep…. what’s the word I’m looking for here?….I’m not thin, but I don’t think I’m fat per se. Is it zaftig (defined as “pleasingly plump”)? No, I wouldn’t really say I’m plump either. I guess I would say I’m at that stage before zaftig then. Yeah, that’s it. Pre-zaftig. Now then, where was I? Ah yes….in my infinite struggle to keep from exceeding my current state of pre-zaftig, I try to eat well. Okay, at least during the week.

You see though, the problem is that I LOVE FOOD. I just effing love that shit. And I’d much rather skip dessert and just have dinner twice. But part-time job #2 starts next Monday. I should have taken last week (and should take this week) to get into the fitness habit again.

Oh bother.

Okay. Here’s an issue. I think I have a problem with binge eating? Eating secretly when the hubs goes to bed is pretty much a common occurrence. Lately he’s been closing the door, and he sleeps so soundly that it makes it unbearably easy to sneak a snack. Or two. I swear, sometimes three. It typically happens on Friday and Saturday nights, when I can go to bed whenever I want, and he usually falls asleep early. Most of this belongs to a forthcoming link:

When you have binge-eating disorder you often have numerous behavioral and emotional signs and symptoms, such as:

  • Eating large amounts of food (does sometimes 3 snacks a night at midnight count?)
  • Eating even when you’re full (sneaking food soon after we’ve put dinner away, while he’s occupied in another room)
  • Eating rapidly during binge episodes (inhaling one snack so I can move on to the next)
  • Feeling that your eating behavior is out of control (KNOWING that it is out of control while I’m doing it)
  • Eating a lot even though you’re not hungry (I’m never hungry when I do it)
  • Depression (Arguably)
  • Anxiety (Yes)
  • Frequent dieting, possibly without weight loss (Watch what I eat during the week and deny myself a lot)
  • Frequently eating alone (sneaky, sneaky little monkey I am)
  • Feeling depressed, disgusted or upset about your eating (Moo.)

After a binge, you may try to diet or eat normal meals. But restricting your eating may simply lead to more binge eating, creating a vicious cycle.

You may have no obvious physical signs or symptoms when you have binge-eating disorder. You may be overweight or obese, or you may be of a normal weight. (Or you may be pre-zaftig.)

For years I’ve felt the need to seek cognitive behavioral treatment to treat what seem to be symptoms of depression. I’ve just never believed that it has been a chemical imbalance for me. I feel as though I can turn it around if I learn to view my past and present situations differently, and I learn to see my future in a more positive light. And my recent anxiety (listen to me….want to hear my laundry list of issues, anyone?) may be addressed in this type of therapy as well. I’ve also recognized that perhaps a bit of work on my communication skills may be in order. This may help me deal better with my family members, and address situations, like what happened at work, in a different manner. Maybe I won’t wait until everything piles up and then I just lose my effing mind. Why wouldn’t both of these treatments work for my binge eating?

Apparently they just might. I found a Mayo Clinic article on binge eating and it suggested these very things.

Both will have to wait of course, as my current financial status does not afford me the opportunity to pursue them. But one day, I will do it. Until then, I’ll have to try to get a few runs in through the week, try to go to bed earlier each night to keep me from the fridge and cabinets, and maybe try blogging about it more.

As for you….late night cheese, leftovers from dinner or (and sometimes AND!) peanut butter jelly sandwich….stop calling to me. Friggin jerks.

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One thought on “peanut butter and jelly

  1. Pingback: No Turkey Day Tights – A Public Service Announcement « laila Alive

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