So that post-binge feeling of literally being so full that you feel like it’s just going to spill out of your ears? I don’t think it’s caused by just the food. I think in all that fullness, there’s a portion of space taken up by sheer guilt. Guilt about what you just did. Guilt about how it hurts the goal of staying pre-zaftig (see yesterday’s post for a definition). Guilt about the utter lack of self-control and will power. Guilt about not having a clear road to walk.
But amidst a break in my binge-eating last night (between snacks three and four, at 2 am), I stumbled upon a statement that helps thismuch. I can’t remember where it came from, and despite my stellar google search, I haven’t been able to relocate it. Regardless, it was a post about will power and binge eating. And how you should stop yourself and just think. Litereally, think about what you’re about to do and how it’s going to make you feel. My taste buds and the cheese in the fridge usually overcome any attempts my brain and body make to “stop and think.” But I still think it’s a valid suggestion. I will try it.
But wait! There’s more. That wasn’t even the helpful part! See? I’m just full of two for one deals. (I’m also full ofcrackers, cheese, pb&j, a little gyro meat, and some vanilla yogurt and walnuts from last night’s episode.)
The post was short but she started addressing that feeling of letting yourself down and how you break the process you’re on and feel like you’ll never be able to get back on track. And then she used the following (paraphrased) example:
If you break the law once (say, run a red light on accident), do you keep doing it? Do you continue on down the street, whizzing through every single red light? No! Of course not.You generally stay the course and you may have a hiccup here and there (in the road, not because you just inhaled a gallon of sweet vanilla soy milk and nutella with pita bread without taking a breath), but you just took a detour accidentally and you CAN get right back on the road.
Most of us pre-zaftigs stay on track the majority of the time. Unless we’re pre-zaftig because we’re letting our fingers do the work down our throats. At that point, you’re battling bulimia my dear and you shouldn’t be reading this. You should be seeking care by a professional instead. Please do, because now I’m worried about you.
But I digress.
The point is, our personal culinary roads may be a bit squigly, with detours scattered here and there in the early morning hours. But if we know our goal, and use the power of love and understanding that we get from those around us (and they are there! Boy how it always surprises me how loved I am!), then we know where the road is and can always come back to it. In fact, we often do.
I may not remember this the next time I’m tearing into leftovers like an underfed lion in a tiny cage that was just tossed a t-bone. But in this foody’s debaucherous aftermath, it still helps thismuch.