I find that with most things I aspire to do, I lose steam rather quickly. That could have something to do with what my old therapist told me about being overwhelmed into paralysis. As much as I’d like to take that as an excuse (because I wasn’t unfortunately with her long enough to learn how to nip that in the bud), I’ll have to put that aside and keep going.
True, it’s difficult to get ourselves going when we’re not doing what we love. I love my job, but I hate where I work and my stupid sexist boss. It was all fun and great before I realized how lame the company was and how much lamer my boss is. It was perfect! I loved my job wholly. But now that I have recognized some key issues, I hate going to work. I hate working.
So that’s understandable, right?
But then what about the things that I THINK I want to do. My old therapist (I’m just going to start calling her OT, because I plan on referring to her a lot in my blog – short amount of time with her but VERY insightful) asked me what I want to do once. This was back when I was at my OTHER job. After five years, I was burnt out and again, hating my job (ie, hating my bosses, hating politics, and therefore, hating my job despite liking my actual responsibilities). I told her I wanted to go for an MBA, but even THAT I couldn’t push myself to make final moves towards.
Sure I signed up for the GMAT….for two years straight and kept postponing. I STILL have yet to take it. And it costs $250 to sign up and $50 each time to postpone! I think I’ve spent $500 to date! WTF and why don’t I care?!
She said very simply…..”Because maybe that’s NOT what you want to do.”
Dangit! The jedi OT got me again!
She’s right. The fact is….I would NEVER, EVER in a million years, even to my husband whom is the most loving and supportive man ever, admit that I really want to be a chef, a musician, an actor and own my own little goodie shop. Haha. Yes, all of the above, although not necessarily in that order.
I joke around to him that I imitate cooking shows when I’m cooking dinner. He thinks it’s funny and we laugh. It IS kinda funny 🙂
But why can’t I get myself to be honest, with MYSELF. There are so many people out there who make not secret about following their dreams. Do they have a secret fanclub? Is it the loads of support they got as a kid? (I got zero – boo hoo yeah yeah).
So…I keep signing in my car as loud as I can. I pick up my beautiful guitar that I’ve had for years but only know a few songs on. And I cook. Like tonight. I just realized I haven’t used the roaster we got for our wedding, as my sister has hogged all the holiday cooking since she’s got the big house 🙂 Okay, I do help, but you can’t bring the turkey if someone else is hosting. You get all the sides 🙂
Roasted chicken anyone? I’m craving it and I think it’ll be fun….now to look for recipes.
And yes, I will post. For the one person reading this. Me 🙂