Life…Which Way, Huh?

I find that with most things I aspire to do, I lose steam rather quickly. That could have something to do with what my old therapist told me about being overwhelmed into paralysis. As much as I’d like to take that as an excuse (because I wasn’t unfortunately with her long enough to learn how to nip that in the bud), I’ll have to put that aside and keep going.

True, it’s difficult to get ourselves going when we’re not doing what we love. I love my job, but I hate where I work and my stupid sexist boss. It was all fun and great before I realized how lame the company was and how much lamer my boss is. It was perfect! I loved my job wholly. But now that I have recognized some key issues, I hate going to work. I hate working.

So that’s understandable, right?

But then what about the things that I THINK I want to do. My old therapist (I’m just going to start calling her OT, because I plan on referring to her a lot in my blog – short amount of time with her but VERY insightful) asked me what I want to do once. This was back when I was at my OTHER job. After five years, I was burnt out and again, hating my job (ie, hating my bosses, hating politics, and therefore, hating my job despite liking my actual responsibilities). I told her I wanted to go for an MBA, but even THAT I couldn’t push myself to make final moves towards.

Sure I signed up for the GMAT….for two years straight and kept postponing. I STILL have yet to take it. And it costs $250 to sign up and $50 each time to postpone! I think I’ve spent $500 to date! WTF and why don’t I care?!

She said very simply…..”Because maybe that’s NOT what you want to do.”

Dangit! The jedi OT got me again!

She’s right. The fact is….I would NEVER, EVER in a million years, even to my husband whom is the most loving and supportive man ever, admit that I really want to be a chef, a musician, an actor and own my own little goodie shop. Haha. Yes, all of the above, although not necessarily in that order.

I joke around to him that I imitate cooking shows when I’m cooking dinner. He thinks it’s funny and we laugh. It IS kinda funny 🙂

But why can’t I get myself to be honest, with MYSELF. There are so many people out there who make not secret about following their dreams. Do they have a secret fanclub? Is it the loads of support they got as a kid? (I got zero – boo hoo yeah yeah).

So…I keep signing in my car as loud as I can. I pick up my beautiful guitar that I’ve had for years but only know a few songs on. And I cook. Like tonight. I just realized I haven’t used the roaster we got for our wedding, as my sister has hogged all the holiday cooking since she’s got the big house 🙂 Okay, I do help, but you can’t bring the turkey if someone else is hosting. You get all the sides 🙂

Roasted chicken anyone? I’m craving it and I think it’ll be fun….now to look for recipes.

And yes, I will post. For the one person reading this. Me 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Life…Which Way, Huh?

  1. Wow we’re like the same person. I totally get the losing steam thing. If I could get away with it, I’d be in a band and run a cupcake and pastry shop. I joke about that with my friends but they don’t know how awesome it would really be for me. Perhaps you could incorporate some of those professions that you really want to have in the life you have now. It seems you do a lot of creative cooking and baking already (your stuff looks amazing btw), but maybe you could get a part in a local play or something.

    • A cupcake and pastry shop?! Get outta mah head man! 🙂 I’m itching to do that here too, but it’s so daunting, isn’t it? At least it is in California. So many rules and regulations. They are there for a reason of course, but still!

      Funny…I was just daydreaming about craigslisting some local gigs, and then going and telling them that I don’t have a headshot. And they let me cold read anyway, and as I’m walking out they yell, “make sure to get headshots NOW. We’re considering you for a second reading.” LOL…that’s it…Craigslist, here I come. Thanks for the extra bump, you! And thanks for the comment on the goodies! I’m going to try and start cataloging pics on my site, if only to help me remember when I can’t think of something to make!

  2. Wow… this post is ringing all kinds of bells here. Slightly uncomfortable ones, given that yesterday I was accused (possibly truthfully?) of “never following through on anything”… the losing steam/overwhelmed into paralysis bit just rings WAY too true – eep! But that aside… you know what? Tomorrow I am going to cook roast chicken, such is the power of suggestion! I am now craving some Jamie Oliver-inspired thing a friend used to cook… a-Googling I will go…

    LOVE your blog, by the way! 🙂

    • LOL love it! Let me know how that roast chicken comes out! If there’s a different way to do it…I wanna try! Thank you so much for your comments. If I find any new tools that help me with my “paralysis” I will DEFINITELY post about them : )

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